i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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