Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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