am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
