You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
