Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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