At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Alive.
So much puke
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
