why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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