Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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