dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
