He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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