He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
