btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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