Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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