WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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