I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
