My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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