So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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