i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
