It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
