My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
