Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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