Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
