Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
