I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
