anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
