I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
