just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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