Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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