How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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