i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
