I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
