I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to stop coming to work sober
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
