We're facebook friends in real life
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
