He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
