I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
its liver damage thursday
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
