You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
