What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"it" just moved
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
