My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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