i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Randomize
