How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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