If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
