we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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