Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you didnt know i had herpes?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
