She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
