I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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