Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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