It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im holly from the hills drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize