Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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