I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think my moral compass just broke
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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