I'm so fucking centered right now
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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