I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
