the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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