he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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