i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
