You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
