Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Holy shit dude........stairs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
