He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
