I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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