First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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