Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
