k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
