My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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