Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
