I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
