New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
