So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
