I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
