I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
