Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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