and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
