My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
