Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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