You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
