She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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