mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
