Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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