I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
